Next Week’s News Tomorrow
Trump Nominates Judge Reinhold to Highest Court Following Retirement of Justice Kennedy
Today the President announced his intention to nominate American actor Judge Reinhold as the replacement for retiring Justice Anthony Kennedy. A press conference was held shortly after the release to clarify. “We had a tremendous 24 hours today. Kennedy...
Learn More About New Friends Risk Free
It’s always fun to meet a new person at work or in the neighborhood. What may not be so fun is trying to feel out their political leanings without setting off a chain of comments that lead to criminal activity. It has become important to be able to learn...
Emails Reveal Clinton Consumes Victims; Is Ancient Monster
Secretary Clinton’s email scandal continues as FBI reveals she is a flesh eating evil spirit that has haunted mankind for centuries. Click to learn more.
Dan Patrick has a little tweet.
The image above is a response to an image tweeted by Dan Patrick. I will not be reproducing it here so if you haven't seen it go look it up, its everywhere. Or don't, you don't need to see anything like that. As a Texan I am not shocked over the latest Dan Patrick...
Fun with the Common Core Standards Initiative
If you have kids you have probably helped them with their homework recently. In doing this you were exposed to something called Common Core Standards, or just Common Core. This new set of learning standards was developed in 2009 and allowed to slowly roll out over the...
NRA Solves Theater Shootings With MovieGun
Today The National Rifle Association announced a new program that is designed to prevent future mass shootings in movie theaters across the United States. Along with their partners Cinemark USA and Arms Technology Inc. the NRA is preparing to roll out MovieGun.
Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs; Mankind’s Days Numbered
Thus far, all the opposable digits encountered appear to be fully functional, making it possible for dolphins–believed to be capable of faster and more complex cogitation than man–to manipulate objects, fashion tools, and construct rudimentary pulley and lever systems.
Fictional Character Ron Swanson Now Running for President
Following the “untimely” death of Republican frontrunner Donald Trump at the hands of Mexican god Quetzalcoatl, fictional character and conservative leader Ron Swanson announced his bid for office.
Donald Trump Eaten By Angry Mexican God
Donald Trump formally announced his campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination on June 16, 2015 and had since become a serious concern for the GOP. This all came to an end Monday when he was suddenly eaten by the angry Mexican god Quetzalcoatl.